Built To Last

If you have ever watched any of the building/renovation shows on TV, you’ve probably heard terms like “framing” and “load bearing” and “reinforcement”. That’s because buildings don’t exist in thin air. They have to be connected to and supported by something in order to accomplish their purpose.

People are the same way. At least the most effective people are! Here are some things to pay attention to as you build yours.

Building Your Support System

Foundation: Understand what you need

Self-awareness is the best starting point because building something helpful and supportive starts with knowing what you need and understanding what will be helpful. Look for patterns and habits that govern how you approach your family, friends, school and work to help you determine what you need practically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

Blueprints: Start intentionally

Use what you know about yourself to identify specific roles to be filled in your life. Understand that different people in your support system will address different purposes. Some are friends; some are mentors and coaches; some are authorities; some are experts. They won’t ALL know each other and they won’t all be your “besties”. They should cover a variety of experiences and a range of ages to give you the best information at the right time.

Materials: Choose carefully

Perhaps the most difficult part of building a support system is choosing the best materials. Not because good materials are not available, but because things are not always what they seem to be from the outside. To find the best people for you, look in the places where most people are not. To find people that are dependable, authentic, and loyal, you have to meet people in “real” places - think church, community groups, teams, and, maybe, work. The people that seem to “fly under the radar” are going to be so much more beneficial than the people that are “a mile wide, but only an inch deep”.

Process: Take time

If you haven’t noticed yet, your support system is comprised, mainly, of other people. Relationships are the key to an effective support system and they don’t happen quickly. Just like certain phases of building a house take time, building relationships are no different. Support grows through time, consistency, shared experiences and trust. Don’t rush the process!

Maintaining Your Support System

Maintenance: Check in consistently

If you’ve ever owned a house, you know that it requires consistent maintenance. Light bulbs and air filters have to be replaced; heating and cooling systems have to be serviced; gutters need to be cleaned. Your relationships with the people in your support system are the same way! You have to make time to check in with your people and make yourself available for supporting them as well. Regular maintenance is the best way to prevent serious damage so make it a priority.

Security: Prepare for difficulty

No matter how well you choose your materials and build your system, storms are going to find you. Accept that difficult days will come and prepare, ahead of time, for how to handle those storms. Just like you wouldn’t try to build a structure in the middle of a hurricane, you can’t wait until the water is rising to find your “people”. Pay attention and be proactive about cultivating your relationships so that you can get through the crisis when it happens.

Renovation: Adjust when necessary

Change is a constant and, sometimes, renovation is required. As you change, addresses change, health changes, etc., you may have to adjust your support system. Maybe someone you have relied on for practical help is no longer living in your city. Maybe one of your go-to people is struggling with a health issue. Maybe other people have emerged and you are expanding your reach. For whatever reason, there are times when new people will enter your support system and others will leave. Accept and embrace the change.

I’m so thankful for the people in my support system. None of them are perfect, but they are reminders that none of us are meant to live and work in isolation. We thrive in the presence of others and it is a gift to be able to live in a well-built “house” (i.e. support system).

Do you have a support system? If not, I hope you starting building one! And when you do, make sure it’s built to last.